Her mind as light as a feather, her body as stiff as a board.

All emotions had been washed away by a sea of reality. Only figments of color left in her face like scattered pieces of drift wood on a vast wasteland of sand. The sky changed colors that day. Went from a vibrant blue, calming and sincere, to a drab gray. Her world filled with clouds as just as quickly as the weather changed.

As I asked her how she was, she replied with a

“Oh not so good.”

It was Nine 'o clock at night. Which meant that we were all exiled to our rooms. It was medication time... for the third time of the day.

I had gotten use to the way things were run around here finally. I figured this must be what its like to be an indoor cat. You get your little routine down. I had three places I could be at any given time of the day.... My room, outside, or the TV room.

I opened my eyes wide in surprise.

My mouth dropped open, and my heart stopped itself from beating. I had to grab the air and shove it back into my lungs before my head hit the pavement.

He had looked just like I remembered him. Always the most breathtaking.

It had felt like it had been so long since I had last seen him.... But everything felt the same when I did see him.. It has always been that way. I was like a school girl with her first crush.

"Lacey..."

He said with such conviction,

"I have been really into this thing I saw on Oprah."

It sounded so strange coming out of his mouth... being that he had always marched to the sound of his own beat. I would have never thought in a million years that I could ever sneak into his home at any given minute and see him watching Oprah for even a second, let alone voluntarily.

"Oprah?" I said very condescending.

"Listen... Its called the secret. They believe anything you want you just think about... you manifest it and it comes true."

He replied.

I walked up and down the cold white tiled floor. Dirty porcelain. I could hear my steps echoing in my head. They were ten times louder. Ten times more powerful.

I came to this place to seek out a friend. To find a soul that I could share myself with... because this place, and this thing, whatever it was going to be.... seemed like a last resort. It seemed like the right thing to do.

But each step lead me further away from what I set out to do.

I jerked the car into a screeching U turn.

The sound stung the inside of my ears, and I could feel the force of my decision twist my entire body, strapped into my car.

"Fuck."

My brothers tiny voice spit out under his breath.

"It's a baby!! He's just a baby!!" I screamed…

I was talking about the dog running rapid on the busy street by my home. It was dark, and in Los Angeles, no one really pays attention to driving.

He sat with me and held my hand. It had been such a long time since I last sat near him. In fact, I think the last room we inhabited was a dirty broken home. Complete with misery in each wall, each brick held in with dirty wet cocaine and murdered souls. It was decorated with needles and the smell of broken hearts filled the air.

But here we are... and we have come a long way... him and I.

I glanced at my phone,

And though I knew we were already in the middle of war… I didn't know that it would become a thing of nuclear destruction.

For I already knew she was a sick little girl, who was so lost and lonely… who was thrown from the burning building, when she would have rather become ash. I pitied her like I pitied the snails that crunch after greeting the pavement after a sweet rain. She was as helpless as an infant, but as destructive as a disease.

So I read the words that expelled themselves all over the screen…

He sat next to me, on my broken down dingy couch.
His leg touched mine, as we paid attention to the moving picture that gawked us.
He was gorgeous, and I knew he had what it takes to lead me to thoughtless debauchery. It was moments like this that I wished I had listened to all the things my mother had told me. The lessons my father taught me about men, and the way one should live their life. But regardless of all the helpful things they would have spoke, I would still be here.

As I sat staring at the television screen, the black and white picture began to run together.

I still had a glass of wine in my hand, and though I was propped up against a pillow and sucked into the tube, I could feel the sleeping pills had kicked in long before. Now leaving me in a serene trance.

Shit yes. This is how I spend my evening.

The cat by my side.

Lon Chaney, the screaming damsel in distress. It was perfection.

My phone goes off.