It felt good to be in my billowing
sanctuary, because the night before I spent the night in a children’s tent.
I have spent a lot of time in my
life sleeping in awkward places. Peoples shitty couches, on the hard corners of
streets, in bed with people who fart…. But never in my hippy days have I ever
squeezed into a children’s tent, with a smoking hot boy, no stretch room for
legs. I had to lay on my side in the fetal position… My hip is bruised today
from the hard ground beneath me. One might ask, WHY Lacey, would you sleep in a
children’s tent as uncomfortable as one could be… Did I mention there was a
smoking hot boy on the inside of the tent next to me?
I spent the night on the beach….
The waves less then twenty feet from my head. Talk about a sanctuary. I often
times get swept up by this city…. Forgetting how amazing it is to just be
somewhere completely untouched by man. We often times forget how tainted by
society we have become. We start to think the only things that are important
are the digits we call our income, the house we live in, the kind of car we
drive… You start to carry a mirror around, to wear the latest styles, buy the
newest things… keep up with technology, reading the news… Feeding the machine.
Holy fuck.
I miss the days of nothingness.
The serene beauty of an empty
slate.
I spent the night in a children’s
tent…. My entire body aching…
And it did not matter… one bit.
Music from the near by RV floated
through the air. It created the most amazing scene. I could not have chosen
better tunes (Though I would have thrown in Free Bird somewhere… but then again
I throw Free Bird in everywhere.) The weather was cold, but the warm body
radiated the essence of a comfortable vibe next to me, causing the waves to
seem like my own personal lullaby.
The earth…. This fucking beautiful
bitch in all of its glory.
I always know I love her so… but
forget how much that love really is until she welcomes me into her ambiguous
arms and embraces me for what, and who I really am.
Some days I wake up and I think to
myself,
Self…
You are one step closer to your
dreams.
What those dreams are I don’t
know… Whether its owning and RV and traveling cross country, to owning my own
salon… to being a famous writer (and finally being appreciated for my amazing
wit and insolence) I don’t know…. But I know that I am a step closer to
knowing.
It sounds fucking stupid… But
everyday gets better.
(Except for the other day where my
client looked me right in the face and said to me ‘you are a lot prettier then
how all my friends described you.’) Everyday seems to be filled with something
just as fulfilling as the day before.
I am starting to be THAT GUY that
when you ask, ‘hey, how are you?’ I say “FUCKING GREAT!”
Everyone hates that guy…. Cause
everyone looks at them and says, how is it fucking possible that that guy is so
happy?! I know this because I use to want to beat the fuck out of the guy that
use to say that shit.
I constantly wonder what the old
me would do if they met the new me.
I wonder what I would say.
I remember the old days of
smashing beer mugs over peoples heads,
Using a baseball bat instead of a
fist…
Loading up the next needle to take
me away to a place Walt Fucking Disney could never re-create.
I look at the two of me… and I
wonder how bloody it would get.
If you were to have said to me
after
The love
Of my life
Died…
“Hey Lacey,
after all this…. Everyday that you
wake up,
will be the best day of your
life.”
I use to never think I could live
a life without Gidget Gein….
I never knew I could, it would
just be completely different.
I am so that guy….
I hate that fucking guy.
Always smiling in the bank,
Smiling ten fucking people behind
in line.
The calm one when the coffee order
gets fucked up…
The one that just grins as the old
lady in the grocery line counts out every single dime. The one who gets dumped
and just throws their hands up in the air,
Loses a twenty dollar bills and
knows there will be plenty more.
The fucking bitch who rarely
complains….
“What the fuck happened to you?”
My sort-of ex asked me at dinner the other night… (The most dreadful of
reunions that I fucking smiled the whole way through)
“I almost died… and it made me
appreciate my life.”
What a novel concept…. Too bad no
one else ever thought of it before.
