You try to find the words. But they don't exist. That is a scary reality for a writer. I sit here... and stare at the blank word document&183; I try and find the words... To just describe the pain. In hopes that maybe it will lessen... Maybe the noose around my neck will be a bit less tight. Maybe somewhere that string will stop pulling. I wont be stuck dangling between life and death. My own personal purgatory. No church to numb the pain. But what is there to say? Because he is already gone. And there is not one string of words... not one tear... that will ever bring him back to me. Am I suppose to talk about it? Tell the world how I fell in love with him in a single day. Carried that bliss with me for years. Always hoping... praying... that we would be together again. Am I suppose to keep pretending I am okay? Because life just does not seem like it will ever be the same. How can it? When the love of my life was taken away. And I wonder if he can hear me... I wonder if he can see. If so.... I hope he knows How angry I am he did this to me. When he knows how much I always cared. When he knows it was the same poison we shared. When he knows how invested in him I promised I would always be. I hope he sees how many people are left with broken hearts... How there are many wet cheeks and torn stomachs. I hope he sees how he touched every person that knew him... How special he was. Not a malicious bone in his body.... not one evil hair. He forgave even the worst of his enemies... Loved even the foolish of man. So many are pained with his loss. And I got to write him one last email.... to tell him how I will always love him. How he deserves the best. But he is gone now. And I will never be the same. I never was after that first day. So what is there to say? I keep thinking each day that passes will get better. But each day that passes... He just gets further away.
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